Waiting
November 9 will be my second anniversary in Bolivia. A lot has happened since I left home in the fall of 2005—more than I could say in a few paragraphs. But rather than looking back I find myself looking forward—or trying to, because right now I just can’t see what’s around the corner.
My term with MCC ends next October. And then? A year and a few months ago, I could picture myself simply packing up, getting on the plane, and returning to Grand Rapids. But now things have changed—my life has changed. I’ve put down roots here that would be painful to pull up; and yet in many ways it would be painful to remain, far from family and lifelong friends. Analyzing the situation hasn’t made things clearer for me. Cost-benefit analysis just doesn’t speak to the heart. All I can conclude is that God is asking me to wait until he reveals my path to me.
It’s hard to wait.
So I try to redeem the time until I round that corner and things become clear. In the meantime, I repeat these words memorized five years ago, at another of life’s intersections when I had no idea what lay ahead:
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.”
(Psalm 130:5-6)
My term with MCC ends next October. And then? A year and a few months ago, I could picture myself simply packing up, getting on the plane, and returning to Grand Rapids. But now things have changed—my life has changed. I’ve put down roots here that would be painful to pull up; and yet in many ways it would be painful to remain, far from family and lifelong friends. Analyzing the situation hasn’t made things clearer for me. Cost-benefit analysis just doesn’t speak to the heart. All I can conclude is that God is asking me to wait until he reveals my path to me.
It’s hard to wait.
So I try to redeem the time until I round that corner and things become clear. In the meantime, I repeat these words memorized five years ago, at another of life’s intersections when I had no idea what lay ahead:
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.”
(Psalm 130:5-6)
posted by The Enríquez-Zandstra family @ 3:19 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Anita, may he make your way plain in his own time, but humanly speaking I hope for your sake that it will be sooner rather than later.
Love, Mom
Dear Anita, Waiting is so hard. Your blog is beautiful. I love the image of your mom and dad dancing in the circle.
Prayers continue for patience in waiting and decision making.
Love,
Pat
Dear Anita,
An awful lot can happen in a year. New experiences, growth, understanding, insight. You'll continue to grow and learn in ways you can't even imagine right now. I'm sure the next step will be revealed when you're (and it's) ready!
Love, Rachael
Although I can honestly say I've never been in your situation...and therefore can't completely understand what you're going through...I, too, have had to learn that hard lesson of waiting...whatever the situation (work, school, jobs, moving....) might be. The longer I'm back in the US, the harder I find that lesson to learn, as it seems I'm forever being bombarded with the message of needing everything NOW!
All I can say is this: keep looking up, no matter how hard it is. He WILL....in HIS TIME, not OURS!!!...show you where to go & what to do...even if it feels like He's waiting until the last minute to lead you. In the meantime, I'll be keeping you in my prayers!
YSIC,
Dana
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